Missing

What has Blogger done with all my pictures?

9 thinge I hate about people

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where is yours?
2. People who are willing to get up and search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Rubbish! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film 'Did you see that?' No, I paid £10 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.
6. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?' Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say 'life is short'. What? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?' If the bus came would I be standing here?

Love's young dream.

My class came in and one boy, John, seemed a bit unhappy. Just then the Vice Principal came into the room and took John out. When he returned he was quite tearful. I met VP in the corridor later and asked her if John was in trouble. "No," she replied,"he's just been dumped by Samantha and he is an emotional wreck!"

Poor John. Only 12 years old and dealing with love problems. This boy has a lot to learn about life in general and women in particular!

"Organised people are just too lazy to look for things."

Don't come too close. You might catch something!

I haven't blogged for a while because I have been down with the flu - not man flu nor the porky type, but the real one. If I hear another joke about swine flu I'll will kill someone!

The weekend before last we went over to England for our granddaughter's christening and I spent most of the time in bed in the hotel. In spite of that, the day was great and Sophia was a wee princess.

I rallied enough to go into school to post off my classes' exam coursework and then took a nose dive. I went to the doctor who confirmed that I had flu. I phoned my wife at her school to tell her the news but her friends were very annoyed that I didn't have swine flu so that the school could be closed because of quarantine! Even Mrs Pluto received the news in a manner which suggested that I had let her down!!

Anyway, the doctor said that I should rest for the remainder of the week. He said that I would be sitting on the sofa, drinking coffee, watching TV and feeling guilty but I needed the rest. Happy days. I took his advice.

Money, money, money!

Yesterday my wife went out to the back garden and found money on the grass. There were a number of banknotes scattered about. Had the leprechauns left a present? No. The dog had gotten hold of her purse and had savaged it. Thankfully, she (the dog, not Mrs Pluto!) didn't eat the money or I would have had to check dog poo for days!

Up, up and away.

The trip to New York was a tremendous success and I earned lots of extra brownie points. However, a major problem developed the day before we left. I was checking the e-tickets and discovered that my wife and I were not sitting beside eachother. I tried unsuccessfully to change the seats with the travel agent but the nice staff at the check-in sorted things out. (Many thanks to those lovely people at Belfast International Airport)

When we boarded the plane we discovered we sitting beside the emergency exit over the wing which meant we had extra leg room. Happy days. Then I read the safety instructions on the card in the seat pocket. Apparently in the event of an emergency landing I had to remove the emergency door, shout "Release seatbelts. Come this way!" ensure that the emergency chute had deployed and help passengers escape. I only wanted to change my seat, not join Continental Airlines cabin crew!

I felt that, with such a responsibility, I should have a dry run to see if I were up to the job and to ensure that the evacuation procedures worked. My wife thought differently; she had her way.

Happy Birthday to me.

Today is my birthday and, being a generous type of person, I thought I would celebrate it by buying cream buns for some of my colleagues. When I complained that none of them had wished me a Happy Birthday, I was set upon and given the bumps. For a person of my advancing age this was very undignified. To add insult to injury they told the pupils it was my birthday. As a result kids have been coming up to me all day, not to wish me Happy Birthday, but to try and guess my age.

Sometimes it is better to say nothing.