If only I had the nerve!!

Homer J Simpson - the people's philosopher

My favourite cartoon character is Homer Simpson. Homer is an ordinary man who tries to do the best for his family but somehow manages to get things wrong. However, his heart’s in the right place. I can identify with him!

In one episode of the Simpsons, Homer gave Bart some advice in the form of 3 excuses which would help him in tricky situations. I have used these excuses and they usually work.

1 It was like that when I got here.
2 I didn’t do it.
3 You can’t prove anything!

(Disclaimer: I cannot be held responsible if they don’t work in your case!)

Am I obsessed with OCD?

I think I am developing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. For example, when loading the dishwasher I have to put all the knives together in the cutlery basket; the same goes for spoons, forks etc. Dear help anyone who puts an item of cutlery in the wrong place! I rationalise this by telling myself that this is an efficient way of storing things because they can be lifted out by the handful and easily placed in the drawer. However, my wife insists that I am seriously disturbed.

Recently, I have started to obsess over locking the back door when going out. If someone asks if the door is locked I have to check it even though I am absolutely convinced that I locked it. I get no sympathy from the family. It’s got to the stage that when we are about to go out my wife and daughter look at each other in a conspiratorial manner and one of them says, “Is the back door locked? (giggle)”. AND THEY KNOW I HAVE TO CHECK IT AGAIN!

Am I becoming obsessive?

McFlurries and senior moments.

Recently my wife and I stopped off at McDonalds on the way home for a couple of McFlurries – I know how to show a girl a good time! We drove up to the window to order our usual treats (we’re creatures of habit).

“Two McFlurries, please,” I said to the youth behind the bullet-proof (?) glass, “a Cadbury Flake and a ……”

The neurons in my brain had a sudden power failure. I just couldn’t remember my usual McFlurry!

I turned to my wife and asked her, “What is the one I usually have? You know, the one with the crunchy bits in it.”

She gave me the look only married men will appreciate and said, “You mean a ...... CRUNCHIE.”

After the revolution

One thing about teaching – you never know what to expect next.

For example, during a lesson I happened to ask the class that if they could wish for absolutely anything what would they want. I got the usual answers: winning the lottery, a big house, a horse, playing for Man Utd and even world peace (watch Miss Congeniality!). Harry’s answer surprised me. He wanted to rule the world!

Harry was a quiet lad who had never previously shown signs of megalomania. He had opened the garden gate and I had to go up the path. I asked him what he would do with me if he ruled the world and he replied, “Sir, I would put you in charge of the bins.”

Relieved that he wasn’t going to put me up against the wall in front of a firing squad, I asked him why he would give me that job. “My uncle is a bin man, sir, and it’s a great job.”

Mmm … time for a career change?

Today cyberspace, tomorrow the world!

Yesss! Got my first comment! At least one person out there in cyberspace has read my blog. I am on target for turning the world around to my way of thinking!

If you come across this blog, why not leave a comment to tell me you are like-minded, that you disagree with me (you’re wrong!) or just to say hello.

One small step for mankind, one huge leap in the dark for me!

I have always considered blogs to be random ramblings from self-opinionated bores. That is until I had to post a comment on a friend’s blog as a rebuttal to some of her comments about me. These comments were not in the least offensive but I just wanted to put across my side of the story. To be honest, I was quite flattered that she had taken the time to write about me in her blog. However, I suddenly realised the power of The Blog.

I remembered the episode of Father Ted in which Ted was given the Golden Cleric Award and used his acceptance speech as an opportunity to name and shame anyone who had annoyed him. The Blog would give me such an opportunity. It would also give me a window where I could share my thoughts on anything and everything to the world; a chance to get a lot of things off my chest. I could even …. Wait a minute! I have become a self-opinionated bore!!