Baaaaaah humbug!

My sister recently informed me that she was getting me a goat for Christmas. Now, to be honest, I was a bit annoyed because I am one of those people who doesn’t like to be told what I’m getting for Christmas. I like the magic of unwrapping a Christmas present, wondering what goodies are inside. (OK, I’m a big child!) I even do my best to disguise presents I have bought for my nearest and dearest. You should see how I disguised a book I bought for my wife with an empty washing up liquid bottle, an old yoghurt carton and some sticky-backed plastic.

Wait a minute!! Did she just say that she was giving me a GOAT for Christmas? Reality kicked in. It was obvious that no amount of creative wrapping would disguise a goat.

I began to think of all the problems there would be with a goat for a pet. Where would I keep it in my bijou garden? Would I need council permission to own a goat in a residential area? However, I began to warm to the idea of being the only one in the street with a goat. Think of the endless supply of goat’s milk and cheese. I was glad I had watched all those Blue Peter programmes on caring for your pets, although, I don’t think they ever specifically covered goats. Mind you, I did look up some recipes for goat meat dishes on the internet – just in case things didn’t work out!

Then sister dropped another bombshell. Apparently I had misunderstood her and she wasn’t actually giving ME the goat but giving it to a family in a developing country on my behalf. I had become quite used to the idea of having a goat; I had started clearing out the garage and thinking of appropriate names! However, I had to agree that it was a brilliant idea to spend money on someone who really needed it. So, on Christmas morning a family in Africa will be unwrapping my goat. Still, it means I don’t have to worry about how to dispose of the droppings!

Why not think about helping someone this Christmas? Click here

I hate Terry Wogan

I’ve never met Terry and he seems like a nice guy; I’ve even listened to his radio programme some mornings. (Did I just admit that?) Nevertheless, I hold him personably responsible for a practical joke that was played on me. This prank involved Children in Need, both of our Vice Principals, a couple of classroom assistants and a Pudsey Bear costume. I’ll not go into the embarrassing details but it’s enough to say that I was well and truly caught by the proverbial hook, line and sinker!

Now, being a bit of a practical joker myself, I adhere to the Prankster’s Code (the PC) that there must be swift and appropriate retribution. However, the aforementioned members of staff have been the victims of some of my previous japes so I felt that, in all fairness, they should be given a by-ball for their antics. But according to the PC somebody must suffer. How do you get your own back on a stuffed bear called Pudsey? Children in Need, being a very worthy charity, is sacrosanct. That leaves Mr Wogan, as the face of Children in Need! Watch your back, Terry!!