Who needs an iPOD?

I was warning my class that they had to look after their own property. I informed them that the school would not be responsible if they lost their mobile phone, iPOD, Walkman, Nintendo and so on. There were a few blank stares and one boy asked, “Sir, what’s a walkman?”

I think I need to listen to a few relaxing LPs

Instant BBQs

I am assured by a reliable source that this is a true story.

A man went to the Customer Services counter in Tescos and asked if he could return one of their instant barbecues. The girl examined the box and found that everything was intact except for one corner of the lid which had been lifted up.

“What is the problem, sir?” the assistant asked.

The man replied, “This box has no sausages and bacon like on the picture.”

The girl managed to stifle her giggles and reached into the cash register to hand the man his money back, probably thinking, “Wait till I tell everybody this one at tea break!”

The man thanked her and asked, “Can I have my money back on the other two instant barbecues?”

“Certainly sir. Do you have them with you?”

“No, they’re still at home in the freezer.”

Back to porridge

We started back to school this week, or should I say, started back to our new school. We moved into a brand new building on a different site and everyone, both staff and pupils, is still trying to get used to it.

We have a new intake of pupils and we are used to getting one or two eccentrics. However, one new boy took eccentricity to a new level when he removed his shoe and sock to lick his toes because they were sweaty! Far from being appalled at this odd behaviour, some of the female staff were envious that he was flexible enough to do this (we have a lot of female staff of a “certain age”). Personally, I am not impressed because I often put my foot in my mouth.