9 thinge I hate about people

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where is yours?
2. People who are willing to get up and search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Rubbish! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film 'Did you see that?' No, I paid £10 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.
6. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?' Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say 'life is short'. What? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?' If the bus came would I be standing here?

Love's young dream.

My class came in and one boy, John, seemed a bit unhappy. Just then the Vice Principal came into the room and took John out. When he returned he was quite tearful. I met VP in the corridor later and asked her if John was in trouble. "No," she replied,"he's just been dumped by Samantha and he is an emotional wreck!"

Poor John. Only 12 years old and dealing with love problems. This boy has a lot to learn about life in general and women in particular!

"Organised people are just too lazy to look for things."

Don't come too close. You might catch something!

I haven't blogged for a while because I have been down with the flu - not man flu nor the porky type, but the real one. If I hear another joke about swine flu I'll will kill someone!

The weekend before last we went over to England for our granddaughter's christening and I spent most of the time in bed in the hotel. In spite of that, the day was great and Sophia was a wee princess.

I rallied enough to go into school to post off my classes' exam coursework and then took a nose dive. I went to the doctor who confirmed that I had flu. I phoned my wife at her school to tell her the news but her friends were very annoyed that I didn't have swine flu so that the school could be closed because of quarantine! Even Mrs Pluto received the news in a manner which suggested that I had let her down!!

Anyway, the doctor said that I should rest for the remainder of the week. He said that I would be sitting on the sofa, drinking coffee, watching TV and feeling guilty but I needed the rest. Happy days. I took his advice.

Money, money, money!

Yesterday my wife went out to the back garden and found money on the grass. There were a number of banknotes scattered about. Had the leprechauns left a present? No. The dog had gotten hold of her purse and had savaged it. Thankfully, she (the dog, not Mrs Pluto!) didn't eat the money or I would have had to check dog poo for days!

Up, up and away.

The trip to New York was a tremendous success and I earned lots of extra brownie points. However, a major problem developed the day before we left. I was checking the e-tickets and discovered that my wife and I were not sitting beside eachother. I tried unsuccessfully to change the seats with the travel agent but the nice staff at the check-in sorted things out. (Many thanks to those lovely people at Belfast International Airport)

When we boarded the plane we discovered we sitting beside the emergency exit over the wing which meant we had extra leg room. Happy days. Then I read the safety instructions on the card in the seat pocket. Apparently in the event of an emergency landing I had to remove the emergency door, shout "Release seatbelts. Come this way!" ensure that the emergency chute had deployed and help passengers escape. I only wanted to change my seat, not join Continental Airlines cabin crew!

I felt that, with such a responsibility, I should have a dry run to see if I were up to the job and to ensure that the evacuation procedures worked. My wife thought differently; she had her way.

Happy Birthday to me.

Today is my birthday and, being a generous type of person, I thought I would celebrate it by buying cream buns for some of my colleagues. When I complained that none of them had wished me a Happy Birthday, I was set upon and given the bumps. For a person of my advancing age this was very undignified. To add insult to injury they told the pupils it was my birthday. As a result kids have been coming up to me all day, not to wish me Happy Birthday, but to try and guess my age.

Sometimes it is better to say nothing.

My secret is out.

I was applying online for my visa to visit New York and had to answer the following question?

Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or in terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved , in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?

I wonder how many people actually answer "Yes" to this question? My wife left me to complete her application and I was tempted to tick the "Yes" box for a laugh, but I knew there would be consequences (more from my wife than the US government) and thought better of it.

The Big Apple

I thought it would be nice to take my wife on a short break at Easter, so I spent some time surfing the net (always a dangerous thing) and came up with the idea of a trip to New York. Of, course Mrs Pluto warmed to the idea. I know that the pound is not great against the dollar at present but I am making a huge investment in brownie points.

My son went to NY last year and has raved about it ever since. Before I booked the trip we discussed what we could do and my son went on at great length describing the city. My daughter obviously was getting a bit fed up with his presentation which seemed to be written by the NY Tourist Board and sent me a text message from her bedroom which was directly above the room we were in: "Please book the trip to shut him up!"

So, next week we are flying directly from Belfast to Newark with Continental Airlines. I have ranted at some length about Ryan Air so it was pleasantly surprising to discover Continental's baggage allowance. It was so generous that I contacted the airline to check that I had correctly read their website. I spoke to a lovely American lady who assured me that we were allowed 2 bags each up to 23kg per bag, a carry-on bag up to 18kg (Continental's carry-on allowance is more than Ryan Air's check-in allowance), and a personal item such as a laptop. (Wait a minute! I talked to an American lady? I thought I was phoning someone in London!) My aim now is to convince my wife that the baggage allowance is a maximum weight and not a target.

OK, so far.

Satnav: an exciting alternative.......again!

I blogged sometime ago (here) about using my satnav to get through Dublin during the Dublin Marathon. At least I had the sense not to run over the Garda, unlike this plonker!

Man bag

After seeing Jack Baur in 24 I have thought how useful it would be to have a man bag. Not that I would carry a gun, a few hand grenades and enough electronic equipment to hack into the Bank of England, but it would hold all the paraphernalia that goes with the modern man. My pockets are bulging with wallet, mobile phone, full-sized man's handkerchief, coins, pens, sweets, PDA, pen drive, iPod and notes to remind me of things. All these could fit into one handy bag - man bag, NOT handbag. Yesterday I heard a man talking on the radio about the range of bags for men produced by his company, Blokesbags so I had a look. Some of them seemed fit for purpose. However, I don't think I'll get myself one; I have seen my wife, and every other woman I know, trying to find things in their handbags!

By the way, do any of you men own a man bag or have any interesting things in your pockets??

I'm in the top earners list!

I came across the Global Rich List site and found that, according to my income, I'm in the top 1% of earners! That may sound impressive but the site also shows that compared to many people in the world I am very well off. I will never complain about my modest teacher's salary again - well, not as often as I do.

Who is that guy?

The other day in class we were discussing space flight etc. One of the boys asked, "Sir, when they are speaking to the astronauts why is it always that man Houston who does the talking?" Fair question.

The mystery of Ireland's worst driver

It could only happen in Ireland! Click

Ruby Thursday is now weekly!

Two other male teachers and I are very interested in food and we try to have something different for lunch occasionally eg, barbecues, Ulster fries (aka Death on a Plate!) and various kinds of sandwiches. One of the more successful gastronomic adventures has been Ruby Thursday. For my international readers, a ruby (short for Ruby Murray) is Cockney rhyming slang for a curry, although I'm not sure why because Ruby Murray was a singer from Belfast.

We take it in turns to bring in supermarket ready meals and the curries are a big success. We normally buy an Indian Meal for Two from Tescos or ASDA; this is adequate for the three of us - we have to watch our waistlines! What has been an occasional Indian curry is now every Thursday. It's worth coming into school for!

Our problem is that we're not sure if the Indian from ASDA or Tescos is better but we intend to carry out extensive research to find the answer!!

Half Term Holiday

I was on half term last week. My wife also had half term but when we looked at our holiday list a few weeks ago we realised that we only had one day off school at the same time. I tried hard to look suitably disappointed and I think I got away with it! I told her that I would take her to England for a nice, romantic Valentine's weekend but she saw through that immediately because we were going to see our granddaughter, Sophia. Ah well, you can't win them all.

We went down to breakfast where we were staying on the first morning and we were surprised to find that we were the only people in the restaurant, which turned out to be just as well. I went to the buffet table and lifted a glass for some orange juice but two had stuck together. As I tried to separate them one shattered. I don't mean cracked, but actually shattered. I suspect that one was put on top of the other to dry and they became well and truly stuck. I accept no responsibility for that! The waiter was OK about it.

Then there was the incident with the toaster. It was one of those conveyor belt things where the bread travels between two heating elements and falls out onto a tray at the bottom at which point everyone standing around waiting tries to work out whose toast it is. I put my bread in and after a few moments I had to call the waiter again. "Er, excuse me but my toast has just caught fire!" (Deja vu?) The waiter fiddled with a few knobs and the next piece of toast was fine. The toaster was on the wrong settings so I accept no responsibility for that either!

The rest of the weekend was fine and we had a great time with Sophia.

Let it snow :-(

The snow which has been falling in other parts of the country has finally arrived in Northern Ireland. We had a difficult journey to school this morning and arrived a bit late but quite frazzled. However, why is it that when the kids have a brilliant excuse to stay off they struggle in and then spend the rest of the day asking if they are getting home early?

More doggy news

I never thought it would take so much effort to train a dog! We are taking Sasha to puppy classes where she is learning a lot and she has picked up some commands. (If these classes are a success I was thinking of taking my wife along!) However, we still have a long way to go (with the dog, not my wife). She chews everything and I have learned the hard way not to leave anything lying around.

One of the benefits of having a dog is that I am now getting regular exercise by taking Sasha for a walk. Also, I have never spoken to as many people in my street because they stop to admire the white fur ball. My daughter and I were walking home from the shops with the dog when a car screeched to a halt beside us and a lady jumped out. "Is this Sasha?" she asked. It turned out that she had 2 samoyeds and her friend, one of our neighbours, told her that we had one. I have been upstaged by a dog!

The power of music

Further to my last post, I have been searching the internet for puppy-related information and came across this video. It's amazing. I was wondering how this technique would work with a different species because I might try it on my livelier classes.

A man's best friend.

If you have read my post Pluto: The Next Generation, you will know that we had a new addition to the family. Well, we have had another new member to the Pluto family - a Samoyed pup. My twenty-something year old daughter organised a subtle campaign to get the pup. She started showing us pictures of lovely pups and had perfected that "puppy look" in her eyes when she was showing them. She showed us websites etc etc and started talking about what we would do when we got a dog. I was the first to cave in. Mrs Pluto took a bit longer. My son was dead against having a canine in the house but his girlfriend said that he kept referring to it as "our dog" so he has given in as well.

I knew that having a dog in the house would require some life-style changes but I never thought that a wee, white ball of fur would have such an effect. I just changed my car and had to take into account that I needed one that was dog-friendly.

We are working very hard now at training Sasha but I never realised there would be so much pooh and pee. At least I am getting some well-needed exercise through puppy walking!